Not a Sri Lankan

Something very interesting happened to me. I was told by a friend of mine that she doesn't consider me a real Sri Lankan.

What do I say to that? I have been called that, and many other things before. Including the famous kalu sudda or dark white man or, for any of you who understand American cultural references, an Oreo. Like the cookie/biscuit I am supposedly black on the outside and white on the inside. Yes, it's an insult. Yes I have been called that many times in my life. Even by people who I thought loved me. Actually that time hurt.

But here I am. Being told by someone, that she doesn't consider me a real Sri Lankan. But it wasn't an insult. She's not from Sri Lanka and doesn't have the cultural insult power of a Sri Lankan telling me that. And - Eris help me - I agree with her.

I am not a Sri Lankan any more. At least not in the sense that people who claim to be real Sri Lankans are.

I don't believe in all the bullshit patriotic shit that we do. I don't stand up for the national anthem. I don't believe it is a bad thing to burn the flag. I don't give up my seat on buses to priests. I don't say my country, love it or get out. I disagree with all politicians. I believe in things like freedom, and libertarianism. The right to do what you want as long as you don't mess with someone else.

I sing mainly English songs, and listen to them. I read in English. I speak English more than I speak Sinhala. I don't speak Tamil at all. What few words I know, are like most guys, basically swearing and obscenity. I don't like tea, I prefer coffee, or, better than that, Mountain Dew. I think and dream in English. I know Western popular culture better than I know Sri Lankan.

I gave up the label Sinhala a long time ago. I used to identify myself as Sri Lankan but I am one only in name. It's the only passport I have, so I guess I'm stuck with that label.

But I am not Sri Lankan, not anymore.

There, I said it. I accepted it. I live it.

So what am I then? What does this mean to me?

I still love this country, I think it's a great place to live. I love the fact that I can hang at Mount beach on Sunday evenings - or go further south if I feel the desire. I love that I can buy cheap weed, that the people are more or less friendly. That we still know how to have fun.

But I am not a Sri Lankan any more. I am a stranger in my own land.

I am Suchetha. I am a human being.