WOW! It's been over a week since I said something here. No rants. No raves. No miscellaneous musings. So prepare for some catching eup before i get into the real meat of adding new stuff.

In our last episode we left our intrepid hero (why are heroes always intrepid? Can't they be just plain trepid?) returning from Ambalangoda after a very successful FOSS event at Ambalantota (no relation). Somewhere just past Ambalangoda, I and the vehicle in front of me decided to overtake some slow-moving three wheelers. We had to cross a double line to do it. Obviously there were cops around. We both get stopped. The other car, which was ahead of me talks to the cop and gets sent off with a smile and a wave. I make a note of it, and ask the cop in charge what just happened. He calls over the junior cop who sent them off and asks for an explanation.

It turns out the other car was driven by a cop.

The senior cop lets me go. But not after tearing the other cop a new one and reaming it.

Why am I telling you this? It's a prelude to...

The Suchetha Wijenayake Guide to Dealing With (Traffic) Cops

1. Keep an eye on them - If they stop multiple vehicles and seem to gloss over one, ask why. If they send it off without charging it, you can complain. You may even get off. If they can't give you a proper explanation, insist they deal with the other vehicle first. It is possible that they would have taken me first, and then sent the other one off scot free. Make sure this doesn't happen.
2. Offer to bribe them loudly - This is especially important when you get stopped for drunken driving in the middle of the night. There have been lots of people recording cops taking bribes on their phones, and then handing them in. Bribery Commission officials have been running sting operations. Offering to bribe them makes them nervous, doing it loudly doubly so. They may test you anyway. But you may even be able to get away with it.
3. Offer to take the test ON YOUR TERMS - My terms are simple. I blow into the bag once and only once. My friends are witnesses. Saves us both a lot of hassle. Also you can refuse to blow in the bag and demand a blood test/urine test instead. May take some time but you can get away with it.

There are probably other good rules too. Submit them in the comments. I am sure people would love to hear.