I still haven't found, what I'm looking for

I'm not even sure what it is I am looking for. But I think I know what it isn't.

Or at least, I tell my self I do. Which is as good isn't it?

My typing is slow these days. Since I got in the accident, my head hasn't been the same.

Yes, unless you missed the updates to my blog, I got into an accident. If you want to know more, don't ask me. All I can remember is watching The Hulk with La, and Chandi-girl. Then apparently we went for dinner. Then we crossed the road in front of Savoy, then I got hit. There are other stories, but I can't even remember getting hit.

I was taken to Kalubowila Hospital where, apparently, I was a whiny, moany patient. I guess so.

My life is, for want of another word, strange, since then. I am sure I managed to hit my head, you don't get 6 hours of amnesia for nothing, but it is the rest of it that has me worried.

I can't seem to type properly. Its not just my physical problem of dealing with a wonky shoulder or two, but my mental ability to make sentences like I used to. That skill doesn't seem to be there. And even at the best of times, I feel like my mind is just that little bit out of touch with reality as I know it. But, it just doesn't seem right to me.

My doctor states that it is a wonder that I am up and around already. My mother, bless her heart, says its a wonder and a miracle that I am still alive. I am not so sure.

Let's face it. I wish I was dead. I really do. If this is the way my mind is going to be, do I really want to be part of it? There is a part of me that wants to be tested. To have a CAT scan, and any other scan to find out if there is damage to my brain. To see if i can fix it. But I am scared. What if it isn't fixable?

Does anyone out there know? or at least have a clue? I certainly don't.

As you can see, this article itself is disjointed. I hope I get better soon. I really do.

I need myself back!