Blogs on a plane..

Well here I am, flying off to dotesgee (aka .sg, aka Singapore) on SriLankan and I just had to do blogs on a plane. After all, this is a golden muthafuckin opportunity. So lets see what's going through my head today shall we? Let the freakshow begin!

First thing that hit me when I got in was the pretty much blatant attempt at finding out if i was Sinhalese or not by the security types. They take a dekko at me, ask me where I am going to, and then ask me in Sinhalese where I am from. If I hadn't answered them in a good Sinhala accent, things may have got a bit hairy

Speaking of hairy, my dad has been warning me about the entire long-hairedness. Yes, I have long hair, and I have a beard and moustache, and I wear dark clothing. The first because it is the way I like it, the second because a) it's cheaper than shaving (priced a gillette blade lately? SWEET FUCKEN ERIS!!!) and I like it, and the third because it is easier to keep "clean" and I like it. Apparently Lee Kuan Yew didn't like it and he has maintained a policy of "we'll serve the long-haireds last." My dad telling me this with great relish did NOT help me much. I was also told that I would get hassled at the airport and I was not to take it seriously. I mean what is UP with people? Do we HAVE to dress and whatever according to the perfect norm? Individuality is as much a right as anything. Ah well.. fuck 'em if they can't take a joke..

I DID get into a spot of bovver at the airport over my looks. Nothing major, just the simple and undeniable fact that my current hirsute features look nothing like the photograph in my passport. Of course that photo is over five years old. It didn't help that my signature has degenerated from a barely legible scrawl to a jumble of squiggles and loops. There we were, me and the guy at the counter. He trying to see ANY semblance to me in the passport, and me trying to maintain the serious look in the passport, and failing miserably because of the entire humour of it all. Finally he let me through, poor guy

There were other events too..

• Like the bag with a missing owner. There was one behind me, and I brought it to the attention of the security types. They came over, looked at it, saw the name was a sinhalese one, and just walked away. ATTENTION TERRORISTS: If you want to leave a bag in an airport and don't want it to be disturbed, please put a Sinhalese name on the owner label, thank you
• There was an Indian chap collapsed on the floor. he may have been sick, or dying, or drunk, or malnourished. It doesn't matter.. he was there. On the floor, being helped up by some guards. Unfortunately he wasn't wearing a turban, or I would have filled this area with "sick Sikh" jokes. what do you mean fortunately
• dotelkay airport has a wifi hotspot provided by SLT. This is good. They are accessible by using a wifi payment card thingy. This is not so good, but can be tolerated. The local SLT shop does not have these wifi payment cards available. What the figgedy fuck!!!. The conversation between me and the nice salesgirl type person went something like this.

  Yours Truly:

  Hi, I'd like to buy a card for the wifi node

  Salesgirl type person:

  Huh...?

  YT:

  There is a wireless computer network here that needs an SLT card to login, can i have one please?

  STP:

  We don't have any

  YT:

  There's a wifi hotspot here and you don't have any cards?

  STP:

  Ummm

  YT:

  Hookay[backs away slowly]

The plane ride is a lot more interesting. Quite a lot of lovely young ladies, at least to look at. And there are the stews. Nice ones all of them, willing to at least smile at the strange man who offers to fight them for coffee

There was an intersting conversation I managed to have with Varuchan. I figured that the best way to have a safe flight would be to lace the O2 supply with a nice soporific. Keeps them nice and happy and asleep. Hell, you don't even have to feed them. Too bad that Corey Doctorow thought of it first

UL serves food with metal implements even in cattle class. So I managed to do what Mihi's friend suggested and steal a metal spoon as a souvenir. Souvenirs good.

And so ends muthafuckin' blogs on a muthafuckin' plane. We hope you had a pleasant flight and will join me in a week for Blogs On A Plane II: The Return Ticket