I Rate Movies

I like movies.

I like movies a lot.

So, for the longest time, I have made a policy of watching movies on the First Day, First Show. (TBH I didn't know of this name until about a decade or two ago. I just did it.) I even used to cut school for movies that I was particularly looking forward to.

Admittedly, back in Ye Olden Dayes when we had to fight dinosaurs on our way to the theatre, the movies that showed up were old and out of date. But I still loved them. And I made a point of going to see them.

It was a thing for me.

Cut school, find a place to change from uniform to coloureds, grab some beers, and get into the cinema.

No-one stopped us. No-one checked ID. No-one cared. (Well, as long as you weren't in school uniform. That was a bridge too far.)

Sometimes I have seen four first-day movies on the same day (obviously the "first show" thing wasn't a factor after the 1030 show). 1030, 1530, and the stories get a little mixed up at the 1830 and 2130. But It was awesome

I don't care what anyone says, I love the movie theatre experience, and I don't think I will ever lose that love.

I still do that. Though things have changed a bit since those halcyon days of yore.

So many theatres are checking bags nowadays, and it's getting harder and harder to sneak beers in, though I still know a place or three. Sometimes the First Day, First Show happens earlier, as the higher end cinemas (glares at Scope Cinemas) do their own premieres.

But no matter. I am there for the Friday show (even though it may not be at 10am for ... well ... reasons).

I have a few cinemas that aren't too picky about checking bags (don't ask me what they are, do your own damned search) and I usually walk in with 6 500ml tinnies of Lion Lager. Which leads to my (admittedly fucked up as fuck) movie rating system.

It goes a little something like this:

• 4 Beers - This is the baseline for a movie. It's not remarkably bad or good, it just is. It's a good movie to throw your brain in neutral and watch.
• 5 Beers - This isn't really holding my interest, and it's more fun to drink than watch the movie.
• 6 Beers - I'm actively killing braincells to forget that I have actually paid money to watch this dreck. It's not "so bad it's good." It's just bad.
• 2 Beers - The movie is so engaging (for whatever reason) that I have forgotten to drink.
• 1 Beer - It is theoretically possible such a movies exists. One that blows my mind so hard I forget my functional alcoholism. But I am yet to discover it.

Now, this is not a definitive rating system. It is possible for me to have a beer extra in some of those long, epic sagas that come out. (I'm looking at you Avatar and The Odyssey) But I like it.

I get to watch movies. I get to drink. And I get to tell you my opinion of it.

I should note that I encourage you to drink responsibly, leave no trace, and don't be a drunken dick. If you fuck this up for the rest of us, I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you.